Brendan's Opinion: Morbius

I have not seen the movie, and I never will. I rather would like to use its public image to examine a phenomenon I have come to notice. I call it the Hyper-Meme.

First, what is this phenomenon? Essentially it is a meme that has become baked into the online culture that it has lost all original meaning, and rather is a parody of itself. A prime example of this is Among Us, a meme that started out as just lighthearted jokes about the game, and now is inseparable from many other aspects of internet culture.

So how does something become a Hyper-Meme? Essentially a Hyper-meme comes into existence at some pivotal moment, when the original meme has become so widespread and reused that it becomes used ironically. This can take a varying amount of time. See the Big Chungus meme, in which the entire original meme was the image, and it got spread and used up extremely fast. And summarily it hit the critical Hyper-Meme point and became the ironic cynical concept it is today.

Morbius started as just a bad movie, then people made jokes about how they actually liked the movie. Then everyone was talking about how they jokingly liked Morbius. It became used up and tired, but then it hit the Hypermeme point. I think that it is actually traceable to a single pivotal moment when it ascended into the zeitgeist. A simple tweet about Morbing time.

The moment that history was made. We are now stuck with Morbius in the pantheons of the Hyper-meme

Stranger Things: An Ensemble Cast Gone Wrong

#JusticeforBarb

Sorry, had to get that one out of the way. But we are here to talk about another new show: Stranger Things Season 4 Part 1. I won't spend a ton of time doing a full review of the series, since I've never rewatched the first season, couldn't be bothered to even finish the second season, and blasted through the third season in a day. But here's my main point -- the cast has grown too big.

You see, what was once a show focusing on the 4 titular kids Mike (Finn Wolfhard), Lucas (Caleb McLaughlin), Dustin (Gaten Matarazzo) and Will (Noah Shnapp) along with Joyce (Wynonna Rider), Jim Hopper (David Harbour), Eleven (Millie Bobby Brown) and the teen love triangle between Steve (Joe Keery), Nancy (Natalia Dyer), and Jonathan (Charlie Heaton). Even with this fairly talented ensemble cast, a litany of other characters was added over the seasons, most notably Max (Sadie Sink) and Robin (Maya Hawke). Still this list goes on to include Billy, government agents, students, Russians, townspeople, and other background characters. Now, the show numbers close to 20 of what I would consider "main" characters, five of which have been added in the Season that just aired.

Now, there have been shows with 10+ main characters in an ensemble cast that have worked: I think back of course on Game of Thrones, but also to LOST, and some seasons of the office. Unfortunately, something else all of these shows also have in common besides the huge cast size is how they slowly died under the weight of their own creative vision. What I mean by this, is that in all 3 of these shows, new and important characters and plots were introduced in the final seasons, mostly to run out the clock whilst important characters tread water in their series long plot lines. Ex. Euron and Harry Strickland in Season6 and Season 8 of Game of Thrones, Jacob and the Man in Black in LOST, or Pete and Clark in the Office.

So, am I worried about Stranger Things? Well, yes and no. No, because when I saw each of the latter three TV shows I was very invested in their endings, and I don't feel the same about Stranger Things -- probably because it's been ages between seasons. Yes, because, outside of Season 2, it's a pretty good show. But why would I be worried? Having now watched most of Season 4 Part 1 two times (Once with my girlfriend and once with my roommate) I can say there are a couple things to look out for in future seasons.

#1 the addition of new characters and plots to fill in the "80s world"

Ok so Season 4 was certainly the guiltiest of this one. There were some thematic additions in season 1 and season 3 like the shoppers and other townsfolk -- pointless scenes with the parents besides Joyce are added to reflect the "80s-ness" of the world. This season though, we have at least 6 supporting characters added purely for the thematic nature of their presence: Jason (Mason Dye), Enzo (Thomas Wlaschiha/Nicola Djuricko), Eddie (Joseph Quinn), Argyle (Eduardo Franco), Angela (Elodie Orkin) and Victor Creel (Robert Englund). These roles ostensibly could have been given to existing characters, or had their plots combined with one's going on. Jason vs. Eddie serves the purpose of pinning the murders on someone but is more a thematic plot meant to bring back the show's roots of D&D and Jason of the 80s small town sports star turned jerk (Think Footloose or Breakfast Club). Realistically, Yuri and Enzo could've been the same person - a prison guard turned smuggler (Though I wouldn't ever recommend depriving the world of Tom Wlaschiha acting) and the Victor Creel sequence could have easily been read from a book or heard from a previous character, or better yet, add some depth to the past of a parentless existing character like Max.

#2 old characters given nothing to do

Unfortunately, this season has seen a massive decrease in screentime for the earlier stars of the show; with Mike and Will being strung along with El and random government agents, and Lucas caught up in the escapades of Jason and Eddie. The only season 1 characters actually driving their own plots are Joyce, Hopper, El, and Dustin (Kinda). The other main characters have seemingly taken a backseat where they once led. A lot of this has to do with the fact that when you have groups like Max, Steve, Robin, Nancy, Dustin, Lucas, and Eddie all in the same room there's just not enough dialogue to give every character time to shine. A compliment I will give Marvel in this regard is that both infinity war and endgame were crowded films, and they had the right writers there to make sure every character had a memorable role to play. Unfortunately, you don't see this in Stranger Things Season 4 -- most of the characters that are caught in 4+ people group plots that aren't preferred by the writers get few lines and feel like they got "Rose'd" (an expression I'm coining for a main character getting critically sidelined). I hope for Season 4 Part 2 they can find a bigger role for Lucas, Will, Mike, Nancy and Jonathan going forward. That said, both Sadie Sink and Gaten Matarazzo have better acting chops, and drive the story better than a lot of the other cast.

#3 converging and diverging plots

Since we are nearing the end of the show, Stranger Things needs to start answering more questions than they ask. I think they do better than LOST but worse than Game of Thrones in this respect. Despite it being probably my least favorite plot, I was happy they brought Dr. Brenner back and finally going to do some real explanation of El's backstory and the people around it. Season 2 tried to answer some of these questions to mixed success, and Season 3 avoided it entirely. One area I do want to find out is more of the history and purpose of the upside down -- and why creatures like Vecna, the Demogorgon, or the mind flayer want what they want (for real, not just evil or need to consume). Lastly, they need plots to converge for the finale, and it's going to have a Game of Thrones moment soon where every character is going to need to reunite-- the problem is now that since the end of Season 3, more characters are in different places than they started. Hawkins has largely stayed in the same pod, but the group of Joyce, Will, El have been split into 3 separate plots far away from each other. Planning these reunions will be very tricky so as to not spend whole episodes on them. 

Overall, I've enjoyed Season 4, and am looking forward to the Part 1 finale and beyond. And again, there are a bunch of other things I didn't mention here like #1 from Brenner's experiments, the purpose of Angela or Murray, and why Russia is still a part of this show. Anyway, thanks for the read -- if you agree or disagree, comment below or bring it up in Lords Day

Stranger Things Season 4

 Not gonna lie I have no strong opinions on this season of Stranger Things. I like Stranger things, this season is very much Stranger things, so therefore I like it. I do like how it's more paranormal this season and I am definitely living for the nostalgia. 

anyways *spoiler*?

I am kind of annoyed about there being a part 2 in another month, but I am also pleased since that means it's not over yet. 

Should I learn Russian?

anyways let me know what you think if you've seen it.

I have the plague

 I have covid and I feel like death. I am also sad that I can longer say that I haven't had covid. 

I am very hungry and bored

Brendan's Opinion: Marvel

No nuance, I hate marvel and everything surrounding it. The movies and shows can be good. I just don't care. It can fuck off. There is plenty of reasons to dislike marvel, but mine is simple. I dont enjoy it.

Like Disney is the fucking worst, everything their business does is like revolting to me. I hate their fake sanitized image, and how they want to be child friendly. And that certainly has fouled people's taste of marvel and other franchises Disney is connected to. But that isn't why I dislike marvel.

It's simple, it doesn't matter to me if marvel content is good or bad. I simply don't like it. It could be masterful high art, but it can still fuck off.

Mando, Kenobi, and Bad Batch: The Rise of the "Heart of Gold" Dads in Disney's Star Wars part 1

By Mac

 Since 2012 when the Disney corporation bought Star Wars, they have put out lots of new Star Wars content. Meant to flagship this purchase was the sequel trilogy to the Skywalker Saga, beginning with the well-received ‘The Force Awakens’ in 2015, the controversial ‘The Last Jedi’ in 2017, and the lackluster ‘Rise of Skywalker’ two years later. Regardless of your opinions on each of these movies, the trilogy was seen by many both inside and outside the industry as a waste of time. While financially successful, many think back on the trilogy as revisiting the same old beats coined by the original trilogy, and the conflicting themes between Rian Johnson’s Last Jedi and its two J.J. Abrams' counterparts makes the trilogy as a whole feel unorganized, contrived, and wishy-washy. Last Jedi saw the introduction of Rose, a great character that was promptly abandoned in the final installment, and the double bluff reveals that Rey’s parents were nobodies, but also the descendants of Emperor Sheev Palpatine that felt forced by Abrams. Johnson is not entirely innocent; taking big risks with Luke Skywalker’s character that even Mark Hamil disagreed with, and many remember the scene of General Leia Organa flying through space as cheesy and not foreshadowed. 

But enough of this discussion; the point here is that Disney’s flagship project to bring Star Wars to a new generation of fans failed (or, for those defending them, was met with middling critical success) and caused a shift in what Disney wanted to do with one of the world’s most profitable IPs. 

This is where our discussion begins. We can start with the earlier shows and movies Disney released after the buyout. Disney finished up season 5 of ‘Star Wars: the Clone Wars’ which was put on hiatus until 2020. ‘Rebels’ in 2014 was the first animated show that was fully under Disney’s supervision; it had a very cool cast of new characters, and picked up with old characters where ‘Clone Wars’ let off. An important relationship established early on in the series is the “family-like '' dynamic of the Ghost’s (their starships) crew. Throughout the series, these familial ties between the six titular characters are heavily explored, and give us the first taste of the ‘new’ Star Wars that was developing during the production of Force Awakens. Previously, Star Wars has always been about family (after all it’s called the —Skywalker— saga) but for the most part, the stories featured tackle more adverse familial  relations. The prequels and it’s own spawn of spin off media highlight the slippery slope of secret marriages, the bad parenting of the Jedi order, and the dangers of familial attachment. The original trilogy had themes of redemption for past familial ills, and choosing one’s family among friends. What makes Rebels and it’s successor shows different is that we start with characters that have already gone through these trials: Kanan and Hera are a good couple, the friends are quick to bring Ezra into their family, and for the most part the family drama that occurs within the Ghost’s crew is introduced throughout the series, rather than seeded in a character's backstory (like for Anakin, Luke, or Rey). Rebels becomes unique for being a Star Wars media less about dealing with preexisting familial strain and more about familial growth.

In 2016 we got to see the first standalone Star Wars film in Rogue 1, and again we see Disney pulling more on ensemble casts and “friends for a family”. Rogue 1 does do some normal Star Wars beats like making Jyn Erso an orphan, and making her father a man working for the empire against his better nature. But this isn’t the part of the movie that people remember. People love Rogue 1 for the former reasons; the cast of characters that travel with Jyn and Cassien Andor and the final sacrifices at the end.

The first time Disney’s ‘single dad’ strategy features is in Solo — Woody Harrelson becomes the father Han Solo never had as Tobias Beckett, losing his wife on the first mission he does with Han. Even though Han’s relationship with Kyra is a big part of the movie, the final scenes of the movie show that Han’s father figure in Tobias is the driving force of the movie. Han wants to become a vagabond smuggler throughout the movie and by the end he becomes the character of Tobias Beckett. 

By 2018 seeing the middling success of Solo, the moderate success of Rogue 1, and the small time success for Rebels (I won’t talk about Resistance since I haven’t seen it) it was time that Disney created the winning formula— a positive story about family, but sticking to the original Star Wars tried and true theme of characters dealing with their dads (if you disagree this is a theme, consider the following titular father pairings: Luke-Vader, Kylo-Han, Rey-Han, Rey-Luke, Anakin-QuiGon, ObiWan-QuiGon, Anakin-Palpatine, Jyn-her dad, Ezra-Kanan, Ashoka-Anakin, Ashoka-PloKook, Dooku-Ventress, Boba-Jango). Disney's winning formula for the new Star Wars is that of a single good-hearted dad that learns from the child he protects.

Comic Book review: Death of the Family

 Death of the family is the third book in the Batman new 52 series. If you're a die-hard joker fan this one is for you. There is a lot of homage to the Joker in this comic, with a lot of lead-up to the finale. I had a lot of fun reading this one. I do think the joker can get a little corny, especially with dialog but I know that is also part of the charm. These books are beautifully illustrated and this one is very fun to look at. This comic is creepy and fairly brutal, so be prepared for that. There are some pretty epic body horror and psychological twists at work. There are a lot of good characters and cameos in this book, you will see the whole bat family, fan favorites such as commissioner Gordan, and many more. If you know anything about me, I love horror and this definitely itched a scratch in my brain that I had for some creepy batman content. I think I can also credit this to the co-writer, James Tynion IV, who wrote my favorite comic book series "Something is Killing the Children," and the spin-off series "House of Slaughter." Be ready for reviews on those also. 

One of my biggest qualms with this series and a lot of comics in general is I have no idea what to read after. I read somewhere that the next in the series is "Year Zero," but I am unsure. After scrolling a few Reddit forums I found that people had different opinions on which books to read next and controversy about what order to read them. some of these books are from completely different series and whatnot, I find this to be very confusing. If someone knows what to read next or could even explain to me how the order of reading comic books works, I'd super appreciate it. I am always looking for good resources. Again if you read this comic or want to read it, let me know! I'd love to know what you think.  

Comic Book Review: Batman- Court of Owls/City of Owls

Sometime last year I started to get into reading comic books. I have always loved graphic novels, but have never felt the need to get into comics, apart from the occasional webtoon or something. I'm not sure when it started, but my uncle started gifting me comic books. The first one was a Justice League comic, a part of the new 52 series. I also read Batgirl of Burnside, which was very fun. 

This will be a combined review of the first two books in the new 52 Batman series: The Court of Owls and The City of Owls. Both are good, the first one being arguably better. I think the villain in the series is very interesting. The court of owls is certainly something I would really like to see explored further. Something about a cult/secret society is very interesting to me and I am surprised I have not really seen the owls brought up outside of the comic books. I do however think that if some wanted to do a movie or tv series with this villain it would be somewhat difficult to pull off. I could see it getting pretty corny or even boring. It would be quite the challenge to do and a feat if done well. My only big complaint is the second half of Court of Owls completely changed stories. They ended up doing something completely different than I expected. The end was interesting nonetheless, but it was completely out of left field. Maybe this is something they do in comic books a lot, I wouldn't know because I am just now getting into them. I think I would recommend these if you like the Batman franchise, or if you want to read the next book in the series "Death of the Family." You don't have to read the first two to understand the 3rd book, but I can be kind of a stickler about having complete sets. If any of you read this series or want to, let me know what you think!

Brendan's Opinion: The worst one.

 Get ready for the king of kings of bad takes. It's a lousy opinion that I don't really agree with, but I like it in an ironic way.

If you are taking a photo of something like a landscape or a building, there's no point unless a. you are in photo b. you are adding something by taking that photo. Adding something to the photo is like taking the photo with different lighting, or a different lens.

This is primarily based on being a tourist, taking photos of famous buildings and shit. Like what is that photo is for, you can look up thousands of photos of the same building, so like why. Believe me, I actually do understand that there is sentimental value, apart from my feigned ignorance. Just personally if I'm on a trip I'm going to take a picture of those places, but with me in the frame.

And scene

Zerelope I (2018)

 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1KWjcRIUSonAakcVD3x-Ad0VVjm78H4ld3qW8qATvlwg/edit?usp=sharing

Some very old writing from a few years ago. Give it a read if you like!

Brendan's Opinion: Why everyone should stop having opinions about everything.

So like, having opinions, in general, is a good thing. I think that opinions based on proper education and understanding of a complex subject lend to a better perspective overall. But like can everyone stop thinking they deserve to have THEIR say be important about everything.

Yes, this is an inherently hypocritical argument, but what else can you do but lean into Hypocrisy.

Everywhere you go these days you will find people not having an opinion, but thinking that they are THE authority on the subject. This leads not only to dumb arguments that only serve to entrenchment in already flawed opinions, but spreads dangerous misinformation around the marketplace of ideas. I cannot for the life of me remember a time when you would not find a dumb fucking discussion about some irrelevant topic.

The counterargument to this is, of course, that an opinion is a natural consequence of the human condition. That no matter what you interact with you will come away with a specific interpretation: An opinion. But that is not HAVING an opinion. Having an opinion is making sure that you have other people hear that opinion. There is a disingenuousness to every conversation when everyone has an angle and interpretation that needs to be heard.

The tough part is that society benefits from diverse opinions and interpretations. So people have taken this to mean that their dumb takes on art and shit need to be heard. Without these unqualified dipshits talking all this nonsense, then we can pay more attention and reverence to topics and opinions that deserve attention.

An Analysis of Brienne III AFFC

 Mac's thoughts on his reread of Brienne III AFFC:

So recently in my first reread of the series since some 5 years ago, I've been going through and trying to take notes on the more minute thematic and plot details of the story. For most people especially on the first read, there is a lot of seemingly gratuitous paragraphs - characters hearing about rumors that don't really come up again, or about some history irrelevant to the plot. I think this is especially present in AFFC and especially in Brienne's chapters. Brienne's quest is presented to the reader as pointless since we know the fate of the two people Brienne is searching for, Ser Dontos being dead and Sansa in the Vale. So, what is this story supposed to be about? Looking more into this question, here are some notes from my reread of the third Brienne Chapter. Most of the discussion is about gender and being a "knight" though there's probably some other parts about oath keeping and the role of religion.

- We start the chapter with Brienne thinking about her journey coming back from the Riverlands. Brienne seemingly wants to see all the locations from her journey to king's landing, looking for the specific place where Cleos Frey died and where her fight with Jaime occurred.

- We hear Podrick's backstory which is deliberately very vague, no name of a father or a mother; only that Kevan rescued him from the noose,
and he was eventually made to squire for Tyrion.

- Podrick is said by Brienne to be a quick learner and decent at swordsmanship. Kevan took charge of Podrick and sent him to squire for Tyrion, and Tyrion supposedly sent him to train with Aron Santagar, another dead man. Outside of Tyrion and Kevan's thoughts, we don't have anyone around to verify why Podrick might be good at fighting.

- The farmer couple Brienne runs into on the road used to have an ox and a daughter, but they seem more disappointed about the ox than the daughter. This is a trend we see in the previous two Brienne chapters where people on the road tell tales of women losing their virginity, and then being spurned by their family. Both the old woman in Rosby and the customers at the seven swords say that a girl travelling the roads are "unlikely to still be maids".

- A big bearded Septon was wandering south with 40 followers, we'll check if this character reappears in future Kings Landing chapters.

- Brienne considers she would have been a mother at Nightsong had her first betrothed lived. She feels both saddened, and relieved. This is a common thought for Brienne, who both desires traditional femininity (dancing with Renly, being courted at Highgarden) but also to be a knight and a fighter, something very frowned upon for Westerosi women.

- upon arriving in Maidenpool, Tarlys men at the gate are rapers and attempt to take the farmer's wife; the farmer himself does nothing, Brienne is forced to step in and "act knightly" though the rapers only relent with the appearance of Hyle Hunt. Another common trend that spans the first 3 chapters is Brienne being a much more intimidating force, but being disregarded for her gender (Ser Illifer and Ser Creighton discount Brienne as a fighter in Brienne I)

- The farmer thanks Hyle Hunt for being a “true knight” and then says, “come along wife”. Even the common farmer disrespects Brienne by not acknowledging she was going to stop his wife from being raped, but doesn't acknowledge this because he relies on the patriarchal society than gives him power over his wife.

- Hyle Hunt is a major Dick to Brienne; also he says that she could not beat Robar Royce or many of Renly’s kingsguard. This is especially egregious since we later find out that the two of them trained together at Highgarden, not to mention that she almost beat Jaime Lannister, widely regarded as one of the best fighters in Westeros.

- The soldiers are rebuilding the town, though they’d rather be drinking and fucking so says Hyle Hunt. We start getting the picture that at both a macro and micro level, men are easy to moral failing, but it is women that are responsible for causing this failing. Randyll and Hyle blame whores for making men lazy, and Brienne for causing discontent among the men at Highgarden.

- A galley, a galleas, and a cog are seen in port.

- Tarly is in the square described at "doing Justice" by punishing a man for stealing from the gods; his fingers are cut and Brienne thinks of Zollo maiming Jaime

- Randyll orders Lye to be put in a whore's vagina and throws her in a dungeon for spreading pox. The reader should obviously see the problem here since sex is normally a consensual activity, and Randyll's men are at least partially responsible for spreading the pox, but get no punishment.

- Tarly blames Brienne for letting Renly die and says she never should’ve donned the mail; that this isn’t a ball. What of Loras or the other kingsguard? Several other kingsguard were also responsible for guarding Renly that night but Brienne receives all the blame.

- “When you’re raped don’t look to me for Justice. You will have earned it with your folly.” -- Tarly. Folly of being a woman searching for Sansa Stark, or being a woman playing at being a knight? We are presented again with characters questioning the point of the journey; thematically its meant to ask "what is the point of Brienne's story?"

- "The knights of summer; it is autumn, and they are falling like leaves…"

- When Brienne thinks about the maidenhead wager, Brienne thought the various men wanted her for love and engaged in acts of courting, but they really just wanted her maidenhead, and the prize it entailed. Randyll stopped it, for worry of a rape; he worried for their honor and said the blame was Brienne’s for being present. Once again, Brienne is blamed.

- “The gods made men to fight and women to bear children” --Randyll Tarly. He is the personification of toxic masculinity.

- Later, Brienne goes to meet Nimble Dick. Nimble Dick's sister got her virtue spoiled and left to become a prostitute in Kings Landing, while the knight she slept with faces no consequences.

- The whispers is a smugglers cove on crackclaw point.

- Clarence Crabbs wife was a witch that kissed the lips of dead men and brought them back to life - kiss imagery is very common "kiss of fire" "kiss of the drowned god".

- “— before some knight gets in her slit” Nimble Dick ends the chapter noting that a maiden's maidenhead is where the worth is. And the use of ‘knight’ meaning knights are often bad.

 

The Final-est Fantasy Fic

Enjoy my FFXIV post-6.0 one shot fanfic that no one will understand but it’s fine because it’s from like six months ago and I forgot about it

Nihra’s torpidity was evident as she stood against Ultima Thule’s backdrop of dust and debris. At this moment, she may have been indistinguishable from the floating rubble: a re-creation, some replica of herself. She walked on every day as if she were herself, the version that the Scions had loved, that Eorzea still revered. She thought of those gathered on the Sharlayan ports, squinting their eyes against the Sun. She considered, then, that she was the only organism on the Source, on any of the Reflections, that could save all life. She had always been that. Hydaelyn’s tempering had written her condition. In her death, she felt irrevocably free. Still, her mind waited for Her words. It could not function independently. Her personality, her skills, her ambitions, dreams, relationships, her history, had all been engineered by Venat. She had never taken a step of her own. 

Her life before she Awoke was wholly miserable – a cosmic irony that prevented her from missing when she was briefly herself. She considered that even before she heard Her voice, that she had been born a vessel for it. That, despite reason, the threads of creation had constructed the perfect life to carry all of existence on its back. Nihra figured that if her earlier years had been more tolerable, she might not have been so weak to Her influence.

She loved Hydaelyn as she might love a physical mother. It was under Her light that Nihra had found a small degree of purchase over her life. She had chosen to befriend the Scions and even if this friendship was of Her will, Nihra had still depended upon their comfort. Now, as she freely evaluated these bonds that she held, she noticed her hands were shaking. They had been taken by this wasteland. They – like the millions on the Source would – fell to the Endsinger, to Meteion. Laughably, Meteion’s realization was one she was now having herself. The life that she can remember was a series of steps taken to prevent this, to land her here. A life that was not meant to be lived, but one that was meant to save. 

Nihra, despite countless affirmations and titles, was easily the least important being in the Universe. She was an image of the world, of all that is light and dark. She had fought for all of its people and never once for herself. Any prior act of self-defense on her part was, functionally, an assurance that she would live to this moment. That she might stand on the edge of the Universe, that she might sing a song of the future. And, so, it was a result of all of Nihra’s revelations that she stepped into the end. Finally free to choose, finally unburdened by the beating heart of all the Source’s civilization – past and present – and stripped of her only comfort, Nihra decided that Meteion was right. 

Ride with Mandor

 There are lots of reasons to switch your main form of transportation to bicycling. Biking is great for your mental and physical health, it saves on gas, and is a more sustainable mode of travel. I ride my bike almost every day whether it be to school, work, or the store. I look like a quirky Zoe Deschanel type as I ride a lime-green street cruiser with a pastel purple basket up and down the streets. And yes, of course, I do carry a tote bag. 

What people don't tell you is the strange experiences you open yourself up to when you frequently ride a bike. I am here to share some of the strangest things I've seen on bike rides and also share safety/pro tips along the way. This story today is a two-in-one. 

To start off, invest in a U-lock. Make sure that it is a nice U-lock and keep the warranty that comes with it. I got my U-lock after my bike was stolen outside of my apartment. It was the type of lock that also came with a chain that attached to the lock so you can lock up your back tires. I got a new bike and brought it up to my front porch to lock it on the balcony. On the second day of having a new bike and a new lock, someone cut the chain that locked up the tires. It was almost as if someone was taunting me, saying "we'll steal all of your bikes if we have to." I promptly went to Home Depot where I had an employee cut me a chain that someone could not cut through. I now lock up my bike with that chain and a U-lock. In short, I don't fuck around with my bike. 

This is relevant to this story because this morning I went out on my bike to meet my uncle for lunch and stop at the store along the way. As soon as I got to the lunch I noticed something wrong with my U-lock. It would budge open, after messing with it for a bit I finally got my bike locked up and went to enjoy some lunch. 

As soon as we finished up our meals a drugged man comes up and stands next to my bike. He proceeds to pull out a can of spray paint and huff it through his nose. He then takes off his pants and removes the belt to use a lasso/whip. I am not sheltered and I have actually been in very similar (perhaps even more dangerous) situations to this in the past. Maybe I will blog those sometime. Keep in mind that I am a 5' tall woman and though I consider myself pretty tough, I am not dumb. I know that I should not go alone over to my bike. My uncle reluctantly walks me to my bike, but to our dismay, my lock will not budge. We try for a good few minutes, trying to ignore the actual crazy person next to us, but my uncle eventually gave me a look saying "sorry you're on your own." He told me to be safe and to walk home and come back later to see if the man was gone. I agreed but instead went inside the restaurant. I found two very tall, burly construction workers on break and asked them in the sweetest voice if they could do me a huge favor. By now, everyone in the restaurant was aware of the man huffing paint and swinging a belt around next to my bike. I explained to the men my situation and one of them agreed to assist me. This man was strong, I could tell, but even he could not get my bike unlocked. I could tell he was starting to get anxious, who wouldn't in this situation. By now the police had arrived and he was about to tell me that "I'm shit out of luck" when he popped my lock open. THANK GOD. I very graciously thanked the man for helping me, even in an uncomfortable situation, and rode off as fast as I could. 

That's the end of the exciting part. I rode over to the skate park where I found my roommate who is very passionate about biking. I knew he would have what I was looking for. I asked if he had bike lube and sure enough he did. We lubed up my U-lock, cleaned it off, and it worked fine. I may or may not be looking into the warranty on my lock right now. What a day, and it's only noon!! The biggest thing to keep in mind on a bike is safety. Whether that be protecting your bike from theft or yourself. In my case, a paint huffing, belt swinging crazy man. I've seen a lot of drugged-out weirdos, but this guy was on some INTENSE stuff lol. 

This is my first post and I am very glad that I had a very blog-worthy experience today to kick it off. Safe travels!

Using the Blog

 Using the Blog, some helpful ways to navigate the site if you're getting confused:

1) Contact Brendan for the contributor invite; it may ask you to make a new blog as soon as you click on it. This bit is irrelevant, it just means you're in your account and accepted the invitation. If you find the tab you can see all the blogs you are part of -- once you accept the invitation, The Lords Day of Blogs should show up there.

2) In the upper right there is a button to go between the viewing and posting while on a computer; I don't know how easy this is on phones. You can switch from making posts to viewing them using view blog

I'll keep updating this post as we keep figuring out how to use the site.

Lets get bloggin

 This blog reminds me of one of my favorite shows as a child. It was called Dog with a Blog. It was a show about this fucking dog that would gossip about his family and had a blog. I always saw myself relating to the dog, but i never had a blog. Maybe we can all learn a lesson from this dog.